turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
