I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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