you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
