Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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