where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
