So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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