make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
