so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
COCAINE IS GR8
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
