We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
