i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
