We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
this is an emotional support booty call
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
