I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
