Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
