I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
