it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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