We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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