i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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