I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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