Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
