Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
