last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
