can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
