I just cut my nipple shaving
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
