Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
