she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
