Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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