she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
