Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
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