I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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