i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
