I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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