cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You're like the curious george of whores
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
