can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
