if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
