whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So squirting runs in the family.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
