Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
