is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
