Someone shit on the floor
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
