my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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