In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
