this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
