i will never coherently bang her
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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