he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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