Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
