I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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