Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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