im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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