I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
