chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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