I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
